Maxie and Archie Escape the Cops
by curlthebear01
Summary: The two leaders of Teams Aqua and Magma almost destroy the Hoenn region... and are never arrested? My take on what happened to the duo after the events of Emerald. One-shot, kind of a crack-fic, it at least makes some sense. Definitely not to be taken seriously by any means. Pure entertainment. On that note, I hope you read it and enjoy! :)


Maxie and Archie Escape the Cops

At the very peak of Mt. Pyre, two ancient relics had been returned to their rightful places, restoring all that was wrong in the entire Hoenn region. They glimmered with a brightness that seemed to promise hope for a bright future. This did not affect the two men that solemnly trotted down the mountainside.

Their heads were down in shame, reeling thoughts weighing on their minds. Both had been so blind, but so sure what they were doing was right… and they had to almost destroy the world to see. If it hadn't been for that trainer…

Suddenly said trainer was walking towards them after dismounting her flying-Pokémon. Maxie noticed first, and nudged Archie so he'd notice too. The trainer wore a concerned face as she approached the two. Archie couldn't look her in the face, and averted his eyes elsewhere, refusing to speak. Maxie, on the other hand, searched for the right words to express his gratitude and sorrow to this brave young woman. But no words could be found. All Maxie could manage to say was, "May…", and nothing else. Nothing he said could get across everything he and Archie felt. "Archie, Maxie…." May tried to speak, but she was interrupted by the duo hastily walking away. May could only stand there, as she watched the two men who flipped her world upside down, walk out of her life forever.

(Later at a café in Slateport)

Archie and Maxie sat across from each other at a small table outside. Both were sipping on some coffee imported from Kalos. As he set his cup down, Archie asked, "You think we shouldn't have left so fast?" Maxie set his cup down as well and replied, "Archie, there's nothing that could've been said or done, and that's that." "Sheesh, don't need to say it so harshly…" Archie slightly mumbled. There was silence between the two. This went on for a few more minutes before Maxie finally popped the question, "So what now? Now that we see that our life-goals were really dumb ideas, and our organizations basically disbanded, what do we do with all of our free time now?"

Archie gave him a questioning look and said, "First off, what's all this 'we' business? Second, I'd say the thing 'we' should worry about is our status as fugitives." He finished as he drank some more coffee. Maxie looked surprised, and said, "My Arceus, I forgot all about the police…" "The police?" Archie interrupted, "Maxie, I wouldn't be surprised if we attracted the attention of the INTERNATIONAL Police." "Then shouldn't we be in _hiding_?" Maxie urgently asked. "Maxie, the people here are really stupid. We just bought some coffee, and they didn't even recognize us. We were in full uniform, and no one cried out, 'Look! Those evil men who tried to destroy the world!', so really I think we're…"

"Right out there, officers! Those evil men who tried to destroy the world! Just like I said on the phone right after they got some rigged coffee!"

Immediately Archie and Maxie looked worriedly down into their coffee, and then turned to see the café manager talking to the police inside the building. There was an entire squad.

"Oh Arceus NO!" Archie screamed, then grabbed onto Maxie's collar and exclaimed, "I can't go back to jail! Hell no! Maxie, they DID things to me! TO ME! Imagine what they'll do to YOU, you scrawny little man!" Maxie shoved Archie away and whispered threateningly, "Archie will you quiet down?! That'll only make the police catch us faster! We need to get out of here as silently as possible!" Archie nodded, but it was obvious he was still freaking out. Then they both silently stood, and made a break for it.

"Look! There they go! After them!" The café manager exclaimed to the police, who were standing in stupor because of how fast the duo ran away. "Alright, fan out and create a perimeter around the surrounding area!" barked the chief. "Yes sir, Chief Wuggly!" the squad saluted back. Then, in a very orderly fashion, they ran out the door in pursuit of the wanted criminals.

Said wanted criminals were racing down one of the many streets in Slateport. Archie was seemingly gliding along, while Maxie was beginning to fall behind, panting really hard. "Maxie! Keep up!" yelled Archie. "It's…not like…I…work out as…much as you…clearly do…" Maxie managed to say between gasps for breath. "Do I have to carry you?!" Archie asked, exasperated. "Actually…that would…be nice…" said Maxie. Archie sighed really loud, then quickly stopped and crouched. Maxie came from behind and hopped on Archie's shoulders, and Archie carried him, chicken fight style.

They ran like this for awhile, until they saw a cop car at the end of the street that they were running on. Archie immediately braked, almost sending Maxie flying. "Where do we go now?!" cried Archie. Maxie swiveled his head around, when he spotted the Sea-side Marketplace. "There!" he exclaimed. Upon seeing the market, Archie gave a hearty laugh of hope. "Mush!" Maxie commanded. "Oh no, no, no, you're ride ends here buddy…" started Archie, but was interrupted by Maxie shouting, "The cop car is coming!" as the sound of wailing sirens got closer and closer. "You'd be eaten alive if you got down." said Archie as he sprinted to the many tents of the marketplace.

A lovely lady was handing a bag of Pecha berries to the nice-looking young man who'd bought them from her stall. He gently took them from her hands, thinking her to be made of glass. "Thank you for your purchase." She said as she smiled sweetly. Then she said, "Remember, although they're sweet, eat too many and they'll be too sweet!" "Y'know what else is too sweet?" the young man said with an eyebrow raised, and a devilish smile. He never got to tell the young lady though, because he was barreled into by two men, one riding on the other. "Oh, my!" The young woman exclaimed, and she covered her mouth, while looking at the three men sprawled on the ground. "LAST time I'm EVER giving you a ride…!" Archie managed to say through the pain of collision. "Good! You're a terrible driver!" Maxie retorted. "Well if your hands hadn't been covering my eyes!" Archie snapped. "Mrphungniff!" exclaimed a voice. The two looked around, until Maxie looked underneath Archie. "Archie…" Maxie impatiently said, while pointing to the man that Archie was sitting on. Archie looked beneath him, and instantly jumped off the poor man, saying "Sorry!"

"ATTENTION SHOPPERS!" came a voice amplified by a megaphone. "Two fugitives by the name of Archie and Maxie have escaped, and were seen running into the marketplace! It is advised that you run for your li-" the voice was cut off. Two officers were standing at the entrance of the marketplace, one angrily holding the megaphone, and the other rubbing his throbbing head, clearly after being hit. "What was that for?!" he exclaimed. "Why don't you just _give_ the fugitives a one-way ticket out of here while you're at it?! Running for your lives?! I mean seriously! Mass hysteria is the PERFECT distraction!" the other replied angrily. Then he put the megaphone up to his mouth and said, "Apologies. Yes, there are wanted criminals in this area, but if you see them, try to capture them at all costs! They are un-armed!" And with that, the entire marketplace was now on the duo's tail.

Of course, this didn't affect Archie and Maxie much, because they had already found an un-manned tent full of all sorts of stuff to hide in. They crouched behind the boxes. Maxie sighed, then said "We can't stay here forever, they'll eventually find us. We need to be able to blend in so we can slip out. Archie, take off your bandana. It's a dead giveaway." "And what are _you_ gonna do, huh? Take off your hair?" Archie snapped back. Maxie gave a 'hmph!', then said "Of course not! But there has to be something in here that can cover it…" Maxie began to rummage through all the junk in the tent. After a few seconds, he pulled out a thick, bright orange shawl, and draped it over his head, completely covering his deeply red hair. Archie just started sniggering, and said, "Now you just need a pretty dress to match!" Maxie glared at him with a death glare, which only made Archie laugh. Then Archie said, "But seriously, you need to change out of your uniform, cuz right now you look really out there." "_You_ do too, you know." Maxie replied. "Yeah yeah…" said Archie.

After a few minutes, both had created new outfits for them to wear in the crowd. Archie was in khaki shorts and a green polo, along with some tennis shoes. His bandana was off, revealing his thick, and slightly shaggy, black hair. Maxie ended up doing what Archie had joked about. Since nothing else would go with his orange shawl, and Maxie _insisted_ that the outfit went together, he was wearing an equally bright orange dress with white flowers all over it. To better hide his face, he put on a straw sun hat on top of the shawl, and wore sandals on his feet. He carried both of their old uniforms in his newly acquired purse. Archie was dying trying not to burst out in laughter. Maxie restrained himself from pummeling him by thinking, _'This is all in the name of survival…'_, but he still really wished that he didn't look so feminine.

"Ok Archie, we'll leave the tent when no one is looking." Maxie whispered. Archie nodded. When they peeked outside, they saw the whole place swarming with pedestrians and police, all turning over every stone to find them. "What did the police say they were wearing again?" they heard someone say. "Pretty sure it was a whole lot of red and blue. I think one of them was wearing a man-dress?" was the response. Maxie fumed inwardly. "Hey, has anyone checked this tent here?" asked a police man, pointing to the very tent the duo was hidden in. Maxie and Archie both felt their stomachs drop. "Um, no actually." replied a man. "Why not?" asked the same police man. "Oh! Well, see there's a sign in front that says, 'Do not enter', so we figured we couldn't go in there." The man said. The police man face palmed, then sighed really loud. "_Fine,_ I guess I'll be checking the tent." He said, and then he began walking to the entrance. In a moment of panic, Archie burst forward from the tent and proclaimed, "Nope! Me and my wife just checked! They're definitely not in there! Right honey?" Maxie stumbled through the flaps of the tent, but managed to get to Archie's side and said, in the most feminine voice he could, "Yes. I turned every box over in there myself!" The police man looked at Maxie funny. "She does that a lot. Lifting things, I mean." Archie tried to explain. The police man looked them up and down, then seemed to decide that they weren't suspicious. However, he said, "I'm going to go and check in there myself anyways, just to make sure." "Of course, officer." said Archie. And with that, the officer went inside the tent.

"Come on sweetie; let's look for those awful men on the east side of the market!" Maxie said to Archie. Archie glanced at him with a face that clearly reflected his discomfort of Maxie calling him 'sweetie', but quickly regained his composure as he led his 'wife' to the exit on the east side, all while pretending to search here and there. Finally they reached it, and casually walked out, completely un-detected.

The moment that they were far enough away, and had turned a corner into an ally-way, the two practically jumped away from each other in disgust. "Maxie, promise me you'll never pretend to be a woman again! Much less my wife!" Archie begged Maxie. "Trust me when I say that I'll die first before I do _that_ again!" Maxie exclaimed. After a few minutes of brushing each other's 'cooties' off, Maxie turned back towards the market and said, "That was too close for comfort…" "Yeah," Archie agreed, then said, "but there's no time for looking back now. I think that if we can just get out of the city, we'll be able to rest long enough to figure out a real plan of action." "Agreed." confirmed Maxie.

"Good plan, but it's too bad you won't get to carry it out."

Archie and Maxie whipped around towards the back of the ally, which was draped in shadow. A figure was slowly walking towards them, and they both began to tense up. As the figure reached the light, it was revealed to be a middle-sized and middle-aged man, with an outstanding black handlebar mustache, and a higher ranking officer uniform. He stopped when he reached the two. Both stood absolutely still, not knowing what their move should be. "Maxie and Archie," the man began, "You are wanted for multiple criminal activities that took place under your commands, as well as causing mass destruction across the land. I, Chief Wuggly, am here to take you in!" he shouted, while pulling out a pair of hand cuffs.

Both flinched at the sight of them. Then they noticed that other policemen had completely surrounded them, and the look of panic showed on the two's faces. Chief Wuggly grinned when he saw this, and said, "It'll be easiest if you come nice and quietly." Maxie and Archie looked to each other at the same time, and seemed to share the same thought. They grinned cunningly at each other before grinning at the Chief, who took a slight step back, a little intimidated by their unsettling smiles. Quickly, both pulled out a pokeball, then threw them into the air. "Go, Camerupt!" cried Maxie, while Archie yelled, "Go! Walrein!

Instantly, all the police pulled out their pokeballs, ready for a fight, but before they could call out their Pokémon, Archie commanded his Walrein to use Blizzard. A howling northern wind tore through the area, and with it, blankets of snow, which blinded the policemen, and the Chief. Then, to seal the deal, Maxie had Camerupt use Earthquake. No one could stand with the shifting ground, except for Archie and Maxie, who held on to each other for support. With the police in confusion, and half-buried in snow, the duo seized the opportunity they created, and ran off after calling their Pokémon back.

An elderly couple was taking a pleasant stroll through the city, enjoying the sea breezes and sunshine. "Well lookey there!" the elderly man said to his wife, and he pointed out two running figures on the opposite side of the street that they were on. Then he said, "How sweet! That man must've wanted to go jogging, and his wife decided to join him!" "I AM NOT HIS WIFE!" the couple heard a manly voice cry out from what they had thought was a woman. "Let's just keep walking. Remember what the doctor said? Our new medication can give us hallucinations, deary." the elderly woman said to her husband.

"Archie, do you even know where you're running? You seem completely lost!" Maxie yelled from behind Archie. "I've been here too many times to get lost! And actually, within the last few seconds, I thought of a great plan!" he yelled back. "Oh wonderful…" Maxie mumbled to himself. Then he said, "Well? Out with it!" "Ok, first, help me look for the port!" was Archie's reply. "Archie, this is no time to go fishing or whatever!" Maxie griped. "You seriously think I want to _fish _at a time like this?!" Archie snapped at Maxie. Maxie gave a, 'hmph!', and began to search for the port.

"Aha! No need to search anymore, because I found it!" Archie declared triumphantly. Then they both ran in the direction Archie indicated. Within minutes, they were immersed in the bussiness of the port. They stood still for awhile, not really sure where to go, when Archie said, "Over here! Follow me!" He led them both into a large building, where many sailors were milling about. Maxie began to feel rather uncomfortable. "Archie, what are you planning to…" "Hold on! I'm looking for a certain room on this directory here!" Archie interrupted. Maxie hated it when he did that. "Aha!" Archie declared, then he grabbed Maxie's wrist and dragged him down many hallways.

Halfway down a particularly long hallway, the two accidentally crashed into two passerby sailor men. When Maxie opened his eyes, he saw the embarrassed face of a sailor hovering over him. "Oh! I-I'm sorry ma'am! H-here, let me help you up..." he sputtered in slight infatuation. Maxie cringed in disgust, and slapped his face, making the sailor roll off of him. "What was that for?!" the sailor cried out in pain. Maxie ignored him, and instead turned to see Archie throwing the other sailor off of him. Then they both continued down the hallway.

Suddenly Archie halted, and Maxie bumped into him with an 'oof!' "This is the place!" Archie said. Maxie looked at the door that Archie was staring at, and read the sign above. "The Locker Room? Are you suggesting that we dress as sailors and sneak onto a boat out of here?" Maxie questioned. Archie looked at him with his cunning and confident smile and said, "Exactly." Maxie moaned. He couldn't believe that he was going to do the one thing he despised most; be out at sea on a boat.

Luckily, no one else was in the locker room when they entered. It took them awhile, but they finally found two lockers whose owners were stupid enough to leave them unlocked. They took the uniforms inside. Archie was quick to change, but as Maxie held the uniform in his hands, he shuddered. Archie saw this and said, "C'mon man, you just gotta suck it up." Maxie glared at him in annoyance and said, "You'd be feeling the same way if you had to put on a miner's uniform. It's just not natural!" Archie thought for a moment, and had to admit that Maxie was right for once. But unfortunately for Maxie, he had no choice in the matter.

Eventually Maxie did get the uniform on, but he found that his fiery red hair was a major problem again. "Don't worry, here's a hair tie to tie your hair back in a bun or something so you can hide it under a hat." Archie offered. Maxie stared at him in disbelief. "You couldn't have mentioned that you had that _before_ I dressed like a woman?!" he asked in exasperation. Archie merely shrugged and said, "I forgot."

Apparently, their disguise worked so well that the moment they stepped out of the locker room, a higher-ranking sailor marched up to them and barked, "Didn't I say all hands on deck 5 seconds ago?" Before Maxie could do something stupid, Archie replied, "Yes sir!" "Then get going!" the sailor barked again. Immediately the two marched out and began to try to find the boat that they were 'supposed to be on'. Shortly after their search began, they saw a large cargo ship named the S.S. Shirley. It was a very silly name in both their opinions.

Quickly they boarded, and immediately began to blend themselves in by helping load in heavy cargo, Archie having far more success than Maxie.

It was just in time too, because just as they finished, the police finally showed up at the port. They were looking around everywhere, and asking random citizens if they knew of the two fugitive's whereabouts, while showing them photos of who they were looking for. Archie couldn't help but smirk in triumph. _'Ain't gonna catch these men today!' _he thought to himself.

Soon, a loud horn was sounded, signaling the ship's departure. As it slowly began to inch forward, Maxie joined Archie at the railing. They both watched the scrambling police with amusement for a long while, until Maxie finally said, "Well Archie, you actually did it. You got us out of harm's way! I, I really can't believe I'm saying this, but thanks for saving my hide!" Archie smirked a bit, but not in a taunting way. "Eh, no prob. I mean, hey, we both got each other into this mess, so we gotta stick together, right?" Maxie thought a bit, and realized that they really did have only each other. Both of their organizations were completely gone, and the rest of the world was against them. As Archie might state it, 'Just two bros against the world'.

"Say, where exactly is this boat heading anyways?" asked Archie. Maxie wondered the same thing. Suddenly, both heard three sailors behind them, all talking excitedly amongst themselves. "Gee man, I can't wait to reach Driftveil over in Unova! I've never been myself, I've only ever lived here my whole life!" one in particular said. When Maxie heard this, he slumped over the railing while groaning "Oh no…" Archie was perplexed. "What's up?" he questioned. Maxie gave him a look. "What do you think? Unova is quite far away, and I have to travel by BOAT. I get horribly sea-sick! Why else do you think I hate the ocean so much! That, and I used to work with the Gym Leader over in Driftveil. He's basically you, if you used ground-types. I can't handle two of you!" He cried out as he slumped back over in utter defeat. Archie felt his lips twitch. Then they pulled back into a grin. Finally, he couldn't hold it back any longer. He unleashed a powerful series of hearty laughs, doubling over at the misery of his, and he couldn't believe he now considered Maxie this, his friend. "Shut up Archie…" Maxie mumbled. Archie patted his buddy on the back comfortingly, albeit a tad roughly, and said, "Hey, we escaped the cops, right? I'm sure you can handle Driftveil." "I suppose…" Maxie said in reply.

They both continued to stand at the railing, staring off into the horizon. The sun was setting, and a wave of peace fell over the two spectators. All the craziness was over.

"YOU TWO SLACKERS, GET BACK TO WORK!" cried the voice of the sailor that had yelled at them earlier. Both jumped out of their skins, then turned around to salute, crying back "Yes Sir!"

Despite everything that had happened that day though, both were able to sleep happy that night, and every night after that.

THE END

**A.N.- Hey guys, I'm back from the dead! I'm so sorry I haven't been updating lately, if anyone has actually been reading my other stories. I promise I'm getting back to that. As for this, this was just an idea that I wanted to share with people for a while now, and finally I just wrote it and posted it. Also, I wanted to raise Hoenn awareness to support the idea of a Hoenn remake. I really want it to happen. Please tell me if you liked my little tale! It would be very much appreciated! **


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